I don't often share my heart as openly as I should. Sometimes I sit back and let things reside within me until I am about to burst with emotion for I cannot sit by another second. Don't be deceived, I wear my heart on my sleeve 90% of the time, but the other 10%, where I should speak up, I remain silent.

Once upon a time in my younger years, a guy who I dated a few times told me, "Meghan, I think you would be the perfect wife, but...(the lovely "BUT"...I hate that more than any word in the English language) BUT...you just aren't perfect for me."

Mind you this was just a couple years after my dad had left and we hadn't reconciled just yet. So brimming with insecurity and self-doubt, I sat. I soaked it in. I allowed that comment and the words he spoke to me that night in the cushiony chairs at Starbucks to become a fiber of my very being. This was just a piece of the story of my relational life. I allowed people to dictate who I was and tell me who they thought I was when really, I was who I was the entire time. I was Meghan. I love all things girly and yet I love to lift weights and run 7 miles at a time. I like to play in the mud. I like getting dirty in serving the people of this earth and my greatest dream is to hold orphans and speak words of love over them. I want to be married. I want to wear the white dress. I want to be a mom and feel that life growing inside of me. I want to glow. But...not yet is what the Lord tells me to some of those dreams.

In the meantime I am supposed to be who I am and true to who I am without anyone telling me who they THINK I should be. It isn't just in dating. It isn't just with my family. It is with friends, family, & the loves of my life. I cannot be silent any longer for I am slowly learning that that very fiber than began to run it's course in me so many years ago is dissolving along with the insecurities that have held me captive for so long. I am captivated by my God who loves me when I wake up in the morning with crazy "Fraggle-Rock" hair, glasses on...blindly stumbling for my coffee in the dark. He loves the freckles on my nose that I try to cover up with makeup. He loves my loud laugh and my love for people even when they walk all over me. And guess what? He loves you too...in all your insecurities...with all the things you think flaw you. Those flaws make you YOU.

So thank you Guy who I wouldn't make a perfect wife for...for helping me to realize that it's not of any fault of my own. It's just who I am and who you were and it didn't mean we were "meant to be." Thank you for helping me realize that I have to remain true to who I really am and not settle for being less than who I was called to be. If a man cannot fall in love with who I am as I am, then that is ok by me. I'd rather live alone the rest of my life than be a fake version of myself. :-)


PS-**I was reading a blog yesterday about sweet little Lucy, a 5 year old girl who is struggling with cancer and she needs all the prayer you can ferverently pray. I do not know or understand cancer and why children get it, but I do know that our God is mighty and awesome in power and He CAN heal this precious little girl. Please think of her and pray for her sweet self. Let us live beyond ourselves and think of others today and everyday.** Here she is...