Lonely Hearts & Goldfish Cracker Crumbs

*Click, click, like, heart eyes, like*

The pictures flow through my feed like everyone I know is out there brunching, hanging with friends, going on girls trips, getting breakfast in bed, basically doing all the things I don’t. Things I can’t. Sometimes with two little kids, a full time job teaching students with special needs, and managing to get bills paid and people to karate on time, it just. doesn’t. happen.

It stings with each view & like. A little chip to the heart, even though that isn’t the intention of any person posting. I know this. My brain logically gets it; my heart does not.

Are you lonely mama? 

My heart sometimes feels in need of a salve. Do you hear it too mama? You’re washing piles of laundry, grocery shopping, working through grading papers, changing another diaper, blowing another little nose...doesn’t it feel monotonous? This day looks no different than the day before it or the days of last week.

The loneliness of motherhood sometimes feels like a wilderness. I’ve got good company of cactuses and young children. Sometimes I think I should send a smoke signal so my friends so they’ll  know I’m still alive. I’m here! My phone still works. I can still text. Invite me. I don’t want to say those things though, because I don’t want to force friendships. It’s supposed to be a 2 way street; but no relationship is ever 50/50. Ever.

 I do one hundred percent for my kiddos and students, but they can’t always give back. That’s ok. With friends? Doesn’t it feel like your heart breaks at times when you feel left out? It reminds me of middle school where I went to a dance and just sat there while everyone inside danced to My Heart Will Go On and I thought, my heart will not.  Sure, I was always a bit dramatic, but, there’s truth to that.

So here’s the thing. Will you decide to give 100% when the other friend can’t? If they won’t? What percent do you  put yourself on the line? All of us moms are just girls who grew up. I still got the scruchies and boy band love to prove it.

We don’t stop feeling the desire to be invited to the table. Even if we can’t come. Even if we cancel 10 times. We still feel it in our bones when we are in the desert with only some goldfish crackers to leave as breadcrumbs. Won’t you find us? Won’t you remind us we are ok and people still like us? Are we not all in this together? Yoga pants and mom hair; we are in it. The thick of it.

What I’m saying is, put down that pumpkin cold brew right this instant and text someone. If you’re lonely, reach out a hand so the mom next to you remembers she is not alone in this life. We all have a purpose and something to do here on this earth.

You are loved, mama. I see you.