Thursday, January 20, 2011
Swept Away
A couple weekends ago I went up to see my family in Durango and go snowboarding. Before I even got to snowboard down the mountain, I managed to misplace my gloves...my poor dad had to buy me another pair. I ended up having a blast though...
I got separated from my family for a lot of the day and as I was snowboarding down the mountain, the sun was slowly setting in the wintry sky...the trees all over...the scene was breathtaking...I came to a stop and just stood. It had been so long since I just stood and didn't move. I'm always going going going, I never seem to stop and breathe.
Well as I stood upon that mountain top, it seemed that entire mountain was all mine...I didn't see another soul around, no one was on the run I was going down. I felt like God was telling me it was going to be okay. So much I worry about, whether I will ever find "the one," desiring to have kids one day, paying bills, friendships, simply put, LIFE...I felt this impression on my heart that God wanted me to know it was all gonna work out in the end. For God was still directing it all, even my snowboarding the mountain that day. In that moment in time it was like my soul breathed a sigh of relief. It really all is in His hands. I can't push Him into anything or hurry his plans just because I'm human and I get impatient.
Sometimes I dream of it...I dream of my future, I dream of a man standing at the altar and although I can never see his face, I feel this love in my dream unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life. And no, my whole life isn't wrapped up in getting married, I just feel like God has impressed upon me the desire to take care of a sweet man someday and that I will love every second of it. I already love life...in all its joys and sorrows...it is laced with a sweetness I can't quite manage the words to describe.
This mysterious man, in a black and white tux...standing there...candlelight dancing around his face, his eyes sparkling, yet his face is blurry. God is telling me yes, but not yet...but he gives me glimpses in sweet dreams such as this one that I have had more than a few times. I can feel the bustle of my dress swimming around me like a princess gown...and I can look my friend Stephanie in the eyes who has been there for me since we were little girls...we have been through it all together, from being goofy teenagers together singing loudly in the car or her braiding my hair for me cause I never could quite manage... to her wedding where I cried through the whole thing because I couldn't believe we were growing up so fast...to the birth of her first baby boy who is a light in my life...
All I know is I'm going to look Stephanie in her blue eyes and I'm going to announce with a smile that comes from deep within that my time has finally come...No longer do I have to help another bride lace up her gown or find her missing gloves...no longer do I have to wear a bridesmaid gown that in all honesty (no offense to anyone) I can't wear again... No longer do I have to be a spectator. My time will have come to be swept away.
Oh dear reader, how I felt swept away on that mountain...swept away by the God who created everything I stood on that day from the mountain to the snow to the trees, to me...yes, me. Little old me standing there with my heart sighing and yearning for my next chapter to unfold. It will unfold...page by page, line by line, of this I have no doubt. My heart beats wildly just thinking about the adventure of it all.
Swept away...I am so happy where I am at right now in my life just knowing that beauty lies around every corner. I am willing to wait for anything life has for me because I don't have to fear the end. My heart will remain on that snowy mountain and I will remember...
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